i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
