ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
