Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Drunk walkin through police station. America
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
