Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
