I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize