Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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