we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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