This is not my ceiling
accomplished twins. life is a go
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
