I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
