he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
