i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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