It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
