At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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