I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
not ubering you a puppy
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
