Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
