She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
