I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize