Kiss
Puke
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
