Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
