I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
