Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize