things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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