If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
