Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
