Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
