I just threw up on my dentist
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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