I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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