My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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