Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize