she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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