Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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