I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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