she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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