We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
