dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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