I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
