i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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