I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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