she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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