You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
