I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
