Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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