i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
