my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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