I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
