my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
