My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
