oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
