i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
