Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
