Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
