Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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