She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
