theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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