I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Who wears a wallet chain?!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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