I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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