Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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