U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
