I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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