he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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