Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
bring money and cleavage
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
