white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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