I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you didnt know i had herpes?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
