You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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